OK. Now it all makes sense.
Mine eyes grew wide when word arrived that Beacon Journal cops reporter Phil Trexler had been nominated as a local personage worthy of a bobblehead.
The Akron Aeros are running a promotion on their Facebook page where they ask, “What great Akronite would you like to see immortalized as a bobblehead this season?”
Among the predictable names bandied about: Chrissie Hynde, Judith Resnik, Rita Dove, Ara Parseghian, the Black Keys, Keith Dambrot, Jason Taylor and Mark Mothersbaugh.
What was Trexler doing in such fast company?
Turns out the nomination came from his uncle in Florida — whom Trexler identifies as “a stroke victim.”
Longer than life
Don Flenniken of Wooster knows a good crime story when he sees one. He saw one recently in the weekly Wayne County Bargain Hunter.
Seems a Wooster man was indicted on a charge of aggravated murder and a firearms violation.
If convicted on the aggravated murder charge, the story said, he will serve a life sentence with no possibility of parole. If he also is convicted of the gun charge, he will serve “an additional three years in prison.”
“I think the three extra years is a complete waste of taxpayer money — to say nothing of the smell emanating from the prison cell.”
Not that sexy
Talk about false advertising!
Have you seen the little ad that has been running in the sports section for Fred’s Diner, the funky breakfast-and-lunch joint that has been operating on Akron’s Home Avenue for nearly 23 years?
The ads are running next to ads for those sleazy “spas” in Warren, and, at first glance, Fred seems to be offering something along the same lines.
“TOPLESS,” blares one headline.
“BOTTOMLESS,” says another.
In smaller print, the “topless” is followed by “open-faced sandwiches” and the “bottomless” refers to “cups of coffee.”
And if you look a little closer at the “woman” in the bikini top, you will no longer think it is a woman in a bikini top.
Will the sexual innuendo license-plate stories never stop?
Let’s hope not.
This one comes from a 61-year-old woman who agreed to contribute only under the cloak of anonymity.
“I have been harassed by my daughter ever since I leased my car a year and a half ago,” she writes.
“When you lease, you have no say in what your license plates say because they are ordered by the finance company and you pick them up at the dealer.
“Well, I was less than happy with my plates, but my 31-year-old daughter loves to make a big deal out of it. She said, ‘Mom, did you look at your plates? You put them on the car anyway?’?”
The first three letters: EZF.
“She still makes comments every chance she gets.”
More beefs about the electronic signs on Akron-area interstates that are part of an $18.4 million “Intelligent Transportation System.”
“I pass one on Route 8 South every day,” says Ed A. Caruso. “It happily tells me Exit 5 is seven minutes away.
“I have lived in Cuyahoga Falls for 43 of my 48 years, and I had no idea Exit 5 on Route 8 is Broad Boulevard.
“So, for $18 million, I learned Exit 5 is Broad Blvd.”
Caruso also doesn’t think much of “the portable sign on the Turnpike at the maintenance station between Route 8 and I-77 that flashes ‘Winter Driving Conditions, Drive Carefully’ during periods of snowfall.
“At least that sign can be hauled around anywhere — to point out the obvious.”
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.