Summer is slip-sliding away. I'm giving you short stuff so you can go outside and play.

Criminals in the sky

A horrific crime story from Montville Township, courtesy of the Medina Post. It was forwarded by township resident and avid newspaper reader Basil Galati.

"A vehicle was reportedly spray-painted while parked at a Brompton Drive address overnight.

"A police investigation determined the white residue in question was actually bird feces."

See ya later

While vacationing in Fort Myers, Fla., Green resident Harry Cameron was intrigued by a sign that seems to offer a whole new philosophy on life.

He was visiting the Six Mile Cypress Slough Preserve, which has about 100 parking spaces.

(For those of you who don't speak Floridian, a slough is what we Northerners refer to as a swamp.)

Harry took a photo of the sign and sent it to me. It reads:

"No Parking?

"Please Visit Another Time.

"Preserve & Boardwalk

"Open Daily, Dawn to Dusk."

Quipped Cameron: "Maybe they have found the answer to all parking problems."

Sign me up

Beacon Journal editor Bruce Winges recently received an email that made him want to drop everything (sarcasm alert) and talk to a guy from Los Angeles who wrote this:

"What are your thoughts on scheduling a call to discuss Rootstrap? Would love to chat about how I've taken the position of In-House Influencer and what this means for the future of business marketing.

"I think this topic is extremely relevant to your audience at Akron Beacon Journal and could be really valuable.

"I'd love to share more information on my experience and think my story would really resonate with your audience. When do you have 15 minutes to hop on a call?"

Winges somehow refrained from writing back, "Hop on this."

I probably wouldn't have been able to resist. That's why Winges is running the place and I'm not.

I would have fired back as soon as I read the first line of the email:

"Dear *FNAME*"

Lost in space

Bob: The concept of adding a sixth branch to the military powers - a "space force" - has been gaining more press lately.

With talk of needing new uniforms, emblems, patches and their own flag and stationery, recruiting stations, a war college and bases. Plus all of the additional military hardware required. Not to mention another bureaucratic governmental department.

But nobody has mentioned the most important addition: a new fight song to join the ranks of "Wild Blue Yonder" and "Halls Of Montezuma." Do you think John Williams is up to the task?

And would the Pentagon then be referred to as the Hexagon?

Just wondering.

Craig the Fly Boy

(aka Craig Erskine)

Stow

Craig: In the immortal words of Jackie Gleason: To the moon, Alice.

Free at last

Leave it to PETA to solve the most critical issues of the day.

The Associated Press reports that the parent company of Nabisco has caved in to demands by the rabid lobbying group.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals was outraged that the packaging for "Barnum's Animals" crackers, which were, of course, named after circus maven P.T. Barnum, featured a drawing of animals in circus cages.

Thanks to PETA, the box has been redesigned, taking the animals away from the circus and placing them back in the wild.

Where they are still preparing to be eaten.

Question: Are free-range crackers healthier?

Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31