Valentine's Day is a bit complicated in the Webb house.
The day should be about my wife and I one-upping each other by showering each other with gifts and poetry and loving glances.
I will always remember the Valentine's Day eons ago — before we had kids — when we gave each other the Wilson Phillips album "Hold On" on cassette tape.
Perfect! One for each car.
Our creative creativity became somewhat limited when our middle son Ethan was born on Valentine's Day some 14 years ago.
The day became all about him.
He's now a teenager so even gift giving for him has become tougher and tougher as the years fly by.
Ethan has even sized out of the annual Valentine's Day T-shirts from the Gap that we would buy the year before off the clearance rack and tuck away for safe keeping — provided we actually remembered where we hid it.
Some years we suspect Ethan re-hid them, but we can't prove it.
This year, we plan to mark his special day and our marriage by checking out the Akron Haunted Schoolhouse.
After all, nothing says love like a spooky old building full of ghosts, goblins, scary weirdos and actual bleeding hearts.
This will be our first family venture into a haunted house since I packed up the family to check out the Akron Fright Fest in the fall.
Let's just say that earlier adventure sent our moral compass spinning as the actors there questioned everything from my manhood to my choice in deodorant.
I failed on the first, and my deodorant faltered on the latter.
It has taken months to recover my dignity.
But schoolhouse owner John Eslich assures me the special Valentine's Day weekend tours — the haunt will be open Friday and Saturday only — should not require any counseling afterward.
Instead of hurling insults and threats, Eslich said, they will rely on good ol' fashioned scares where things go bump in the night.
This will mark the second year the schoolhouse has opened for a romantic and fun way to celebrate the day.
The lobby is set up like a spooky high school dance from the 1980s, and special lighting and a soundtrack have been added throughout the building.
Each scene will have a romantic touch from black roses to scary romantic dead people.
And nothing says Valentine's Day like a serial killer (there's a brand new scene that features one of those, too).
Tickets for Cupid's Revenge are $25 at the door of the haunted attraction at 1300 Triplett Boulevard. Visit hauntedschoolhouse.com for more.
Adult drinks, including some specially themed ones cooked up by the fine folks from That Pop-Up Bar in Canton, will be available for sale along with limited-edition T-shirts.
We will be there, too … just look for the elderly looking parents singing Wilson Phillips cover songs cowering behind a lanky teenager in an ill-fitting Valentine's Day T-shirt from Gap Kids.